I became the freak-of-the-week I was leaving the gym, heading toward Michigan Avenue a half-block or so away, when the light turned green. How could I miss the light? I was wearing gym clothes, after all! So I sprinted for the light.

I had a big plastic bag of my work clothes on one arm, a bright green suede jacket on the other (full of bezippered '80s style), and an orange-and-black backpack on my back. All were bouncing around like mad. But I would not, could not slow down.

I had meant to tighten my drawstring pants at the gym, but forgot. Now they began making their way down my ass. They were maybe a third of the way down as I entered the intersection. I extracted two fingers from my belongings so I could hold them up. My bags and my half-bare ass now all bounced together. Still I ran.

Topping it all off, by the time I was halfway through the intersection I was grinning like a maniac because I just knew I had to look completely, completely ridiculous. 

¶ 10:26 PM