2 things that made me laugh 1. This news brief from USA Today has something bizarre in nearly every sentence!
Three men burglarized the home of Jack Whittaker, winner of the biggest undivided lottery jackpot in U.S. history, as a friend of Whittaker's family lay dead inside, police in Winfield, W.Va., said. Whittaker was not home. The suspects were caught on a security camera, Chief Deputy John Dailey said. The death of Jesse Tribble, 18, may have been drug-related but was not related to the burglary last week, Dailey said. The suspects knew Tribble and reported his death, Dailey said. Whittaker hit a $314.9 million Powerball jackpot on Christmas Day 2002. Since then, his vehicle, business and home have been broken into repeatedly. Last year, a strip club manager and his girlfriend were charged with drugging Whittaker and stealing more than $500,000. The money was recovered.

2. One of my minions (I have 2 now) was late to work today because of some sort of stupidity on the Metra, the suburban commuter rail. When she finally got off, they handed out late slips for all the passengers to give their bosses. (Disappointingly, she did not present me with hers.)

The Metra, which at 70 mph is easily the fastest-moving thing in Chicagoland at rush hour, is a popular way to commit suicide and hence a frequent cause of delays. They even started running commercials telling people not to do it. The ads don't say, "You have so much to live for," or anything specifically anti-suicide like that. They just implore people not to step in front of trains (for whatever reason). I wonder if they pretested these commercials with focus groups? 

¶ 11:17 PM